Tuesday, February 2, 2010

one week - 1/5/10

Dear friends,

One week ago today my world broke into a million pieces. My heart aches, my body hurts, and my center, my sweet husband, is gone. As my dear father-in-law, Kerry, said this morning, "In some ways it feels like a lifetime ago, and in others like a flash."

Chris' obituary ran today. It is beautiful, and I feel like it is perfect reflection of the father, husband and friend that we knew. I hope, I know, that he is smiling above us as we read it and remember him.

Colleen went back to school today. We are so blessed by the people at St. Thomas CDC - they truly love Colleen as if she was their own, and it is good to let her be around her friends and try to get back into a somewhat normal routine. She has amazed us this last week. Instead of relapsing, as we feared after such a tragedy, her language and knowledge are thriving. She is learning every new word we can throw at her, and making new sentences every day. It is bittersweet - we are thrilled, but so saddened that her Daddy isn't here with us to see it. I know this is something he would have loved. I am trying to take comfort in knowing that he is with us in spirit, but it doesn't replace his beaming smile and big laugh.

I felt much better today than yesterday, after some much needed rest and small alterations to my pain medication. There are still so many details to be attended to, that it is hard to relax for too long. Our lives are complicated webs, and sorting through the threads will take time, but it has to be done.

Today at dinner, Colleen grabbed my head, as she often does, and was hugging my hair - running her peanut butter and honey grubby hands all through it we kissed and laughed and hugged. Those special little moments that are so small mean so much more to me now. In time, I hope that I can see that this will help me live a better life - Not worrying about things you can't control (or that don't matter) - which was a Chris Cooper mantra till his last day, and Focusing on enjoying the little moments that make up our life, that God gives us as gifts everyday.

With love,

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