This evening I had what my doctors refer to as a 'pain crisis.' Because I had wonderful visitors in and out all day today, I wasn't diligent in asking for and taking my pain medication. I took a brief nap and when I woke up I tried to move too quickly and was hit immediately with a blinding pain that coursed through my body. I saw a bright white light and tears flowed from my eyes. It was the worst pain I've ever felt - but with the quick action of my family, my nurses, and an IV shot of good pain medication I was breathing easier and beginning to rest within a matter of minutes.
Something about the intense pain of those minutes seemed to also intensify my feelings of tragedy and loss. Chris was my rock. He was my strength when I couldn't go any farther. He was a big smile and a hug at the end of a long day. And for the last 6 years, he has been the bright white light of my life.
I wish I could say that each day is getting easier. I'm not to that point yet. But I know that with God's help I will work to rebuild my life and create a beautiful future full of bright white lights of joy for me and Colleen.
Thank you for your kind words, prayers, and messages. I look forward to seeing many of you on Friday, as we honor Chris' memory by celebrating his life.