Monday, March 8, 2010

Honor Chris today - Pledge to never drive distracted again

Today is Chris' birthday.  He would have been 35.  It would have been his first birthday that Colleen would actually remember.  It would have been a day filled with joy, laughter, and Chris' infectious,  beaming smile. While every day is hard, today is especially heartbreaking.

I have not described the car accident that took his life in detail in these notes.  Today I am ready.  Today I want to tell you all about how you can honor Chris by helping to avoid the type of accident that caused two people to lose their lives on December 29, 2009.

On that day, Chris and I were driving from Corpus Christi to Dallas to be with his sister - who was in labor with her first baby.  We were having a great time in the car.  We were so happy about being able to be in Dallas for little Sophie's birth.  Chris had just won his fantasy football league championship.  Colleen was safe at home in Corpus with my parents.  Our weekend could not have been any better.  We stopped for food in Seguin, and were continuing our trip on Highway 123 between Seguin and San Marcos.  I remember being in the car with Chris, talking about Colleen and our great weekend...laughing and joking like we always did.  The next thing I remember is hearing voices, and thinking to myself - "They are talking to me.  I need to wake up".

I don't remember anything about the accident, but the the officer who investigated our case was incredibly thorough. Here is what he found:

On that day, an 18 year old girl drove from Seguin to San Marcos to purchase a car - a 1990 Jeep Cherokee.  She was driving home, following a car with a few of her family members.  As she drove, she was using her iPhone.

On Highway 123, she got distracted by her phone, and didn't anticipate a curve in the roadway.  She was in the right hand lane, and started to veer towards a guardrail on her right.  When she looked up from her iPhone, she overcorrected, and jerked her wheel to the left.  She crossed three lanes of traffic on the undivided highway at over 70 miles an hour and slammed directly into our car. There were no skid marks - she was too distracted to try to stop or avoid our car.

The officers found an active text message on her iPhone after the accident.  The police report officially states that she was "using her cell phone".  She was not wearing a seatbelt, and was ejected from the car.  The ejection ripped off most of her clothes.  She was not drunk - but she was under the influence. She was under the influence of the untrue belief that it is possible to drive and use a cell phone at the same time.


We all think that we can.  We all think that we are good enough drivers to be able to text, read and write email, surf the internet, and make calls while we are driving.  Chris did.  I did.  The 18 year old girl who hit us that day did.  And I would bet that most of you reading do.  The truth is: we can't.  No one can.  It doesn't matter if you are 16 or 45, using a cell phone while you are driving is too distracting to risk.

I know you are thinking - "There is no way I can give it up.  I am a good enough driver.  I have years of experience.  It will never happen to me."  I am here to tell you - it can.

Chris was not on his phone during the accident.  He was not distracted, and his focus allowed him to see the oncoming car, and maneuver our car quickly to the right before the impact.  That maneuver, the last thing that he did, saved my life.

Today, on his birthday, I ask you to honor Chris' memory by pledging to never drive distracted again.  Honor his memory by never riding in a car with someone who is driving distracted again.  Every time someone texts you, or calls while you are driving, think to yourself, "Is sending this text worth risking my life?  Is taking this call worth risking the life of another driver?"  No call, no text, no email, was worth losing two lives on that day.

My heart aches for the family of the girl who also died that day.  She didn't think that she was doing anything wrong.  She never had a chance to live her life.  I mourn for her, just as I do for Chris.

I ask you today to pledge in memory of Chris to never let your phone distract you while you are driving again.  For your own sake, and for the other drivers around you - do not take the chance that your actions could take another life or your own.

Chris was a wonderful husband, amazing father, loving son and brother, and fiercely loyal friend.  There is not a minute in a day that I don't think about him.  I miss him desperately.  But, Colleen and I are living our life.  We laugh and smile and enjoy the blessed moments that we have together every day.  We thank God for the time we had with Chris, and trust in God that he has not left us, and will never leave us alone.

Here are some links for more information on the dangers of distracted driving, and what you can do to help:

53 comments:

  1. Thank you for this. And I promise.

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  2. I promise too. Thank you for your courage in sharing this story.

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  3. I promise too. Thank you so much for sharing.

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  4. I read your blog via Sarah Johnson's post. I am eternallly changed by it...I have a wonderful husband who I cannot imagine being without. I pray for your healing, and hope that you continue to be an encourager of this mission. - Flo Ferrell

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  5. Kristin, thank you for what had to take a lot of courage and focus to write. Your words are very poignant, and I PROMISE to never again text, read email or try to dial a number while driving. I do this everyday (with my sons in the car!), and have seen the PSAs on the dangers, but like you said, always thought it couldn't happen to me. By sharing this experience so publicly, you are potentially saving many lives. What a great tribute to your sweet husband.

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  6. What a great way to honor and remember Chris, especially on his birthday. I promise to refrain from cell phone use while driving also!

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  7. Thank you, Kristin. I continue to hold you and your family in my prayers. I admire you so much...in this time when there just are no words for the depth of grief you must be experiencing, you have found words and they are so meaningful, gracious, poignant, and purposeful.

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  8. I promise and I shared this on my blog hoping that it will impact others as well...

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  9. Kristin, We are friends of Rob's and have been following your story through he and Karen, but this is the first time I've made it to your blog. What a moving post - and convicting, too, I confess. I do this! But I pledge to STOP doing this. I've also shared a bit of your story (and a link to this blog) on my blog. Thank you for sharing it with us.

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  10. I did not know 'Coop' well. I knew of him in high school and I honestly had not put a face with the name until yesterday. I always heard about Coop in high school but I never had a class with him or anything like that. His name came across facebook at one point and I recognized it and added him. Not really realizing that was Coop then. He was from what I have read a really amazing guy and extremely missed. I am sorry I missed out on such an amazing life of his. It wasn't meant to be I guess. When I read all of this yesterday I had no idea today was his birthday, making it all the more poignant and meaningful.

    The reason im even writing this is because my job requires 'real time reporting' which is something I usually do while driving and its similar to texting. While im not really one to text per say. I do promise to not do my work or text call or answer a call while the car is moving again. No matter how much im in a hurry I am to get to the next job if im driving it can wait.

    I personally have had a close call or two(working and txting) and said I would not do that again and ended up doing it the next week but this time its going to stick. As I promise not only to Coop and his family. I promise to God not to do this again because next time I might not be so lucky.

    Kristen and Colleen, and for the family of the girl that lost her life as well. I will keep you all in my prayers.

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  11. Hi Kristen,
    I have followed your story through my sister, Emily Richardson Owen. I have thought and prayed hard for you and your family over the last few months and will certainly continue to do so. Thank you so much for the above message. It is one we all need to be reminded of. I can honestly say that the next time I think about picking up my iPhone while driving, I will think about Chris. I hope you find some peace on this tough day knowing that you are preventing other tragic accidents.
    Thanks for sharing...
    Amy Guest

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  12. I got your post in an email today & I shared it on my blog... Hearing stories like yours make me want to share it with everyone I know in hopes that it saves a life. Thank you so much for sharing this.

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  13. Thank you for sharing, and hugs to you and your daughter. I will not drive distracted ever again.

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  14. I am so cautious and aware of this, that thankflly nothing has happened, but I WILL NOT do this with of cell phone, too many lives are a stake. I pray for you and your family, as this hurts deeply. Noone should ever have to experience this type of loss. Blesses are you and yours!

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  15. Thank you for putting the words down, Kristin. I'm a friend of Marc, Sherry and your brother. I am so very sorry this happened. Something similar happened to me 13 years ago - my friend asked me to check to see if our cell phone was plugged in. The trouble is, I was driving at the time. She didn't make it. No words can describe my sorrow - people, NOTHING is worth feeling responsible for the loss of a beautiful, wonderful, irreplaceable person in this way. Nothing. Healing can be a long road, but you and your family are in our prayers. Be strong and courageous! The Lord is with you always. No matter what.

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  16. You have moved me. I vow this and have asked my friends and family to consider the same.
    Thank you for sharing something that is very difficult. You're an amazing Mother and God has amazing plans for you and your little one.

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  17. I am a good friend of Sherry Ware's from college. I also have a 2 yr old daughter and am crying as I've just read your story. I do promise to you not to drive distracted. It's a terrible tragedy for you, this accident. I know that God is with you and will give you the strength you need. Bless you for having the courage to write this blog.

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  18. A friend sent this blog to me. I do text and drive and promise to not do it anymore, the risks FAR outweigh the temporary benefits! Thank you for sharing!

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  19. Hi Kristin,
    I preceeded Karen at Covenant. I have been praying for you also since I heard of this tragedy.
    Reading your blog today is life changing. I have done the rare "On my way" txt and pledge to no longer txt and drive.
    What really convicted me in your story is how your husband's focus saved your life.
    I pray many blessings on you, your daughter, and your whole family. Thank you for writing about this immensely painful event in your life....it is saving others already...
    God bless you!
    Michele Nordine

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  20. I am one who "thinks he can" drive, talk, email, etc. It isn't worth it and I promise not to be distracted by my phone while driving ever again.

    My prayers,
    Dave

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  21. I'm sending this to my son, who like many believe he can do this without a problem. It IS a problem - you're impaired, distracted. God bless you and Colleen. I like the way you ended your post, knowing God is with you.

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  22. I promise. And I am also sending this to my son and other friends!

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  23. Thank you for sharing your story. I am not a teen but guilty as well! I pledge to stop. May God's peace continue to surround you and your family.

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  24. I pledge and posted about it on my blog. I think about you and Colleen often. You are an inspiration to us all.

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  25. Look at what you have done you amazing soul. You have taken your grief and made a beautiful thing happen. As I celebrate Morgan's birthday today I cannot tell you how Chris has been on my mind since yesterday. As I thought also about the girl who lost her life in that accident it reminds me of Morgan and how she could have done the same thing as well as myself. So many people responded after your posting and now they are sharing your story with their friends who may now be spared the life they are living as well as others who could be affected by there actions. Thank you Kristin for your faith and hope because it is so inspiring and needed by so many.

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  26. Hi Kristin- I am Jessica Bacon's sister, I met you at her and Jonathan's wedding. I have been following your updates since the accident, you are an amazingly strong woman. Colleen is so blessed to have you as her mother. I am posting your above blog on my blog. This is a very important issue. I have had a friend recently get in an accident while checking her email. She is active in letting everyone know to not do the same. She was lucky, it was a fender bender, but she is very aware that it could have been much worse.
    Jennifer

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  27. Read your story, can not comprehend your loss, strength. Taking the no cell phone pledge now. Thank You.

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  28. God Bless You! I have followed your story through a friend at church who is your neighbor. Then I found out from a fellow teacher that Chris was Maryvonne's son. I observed her many years ago and then was her replacement teacher at SK. I feel like I should know you. Since having children of my own, I have vowed not to talk and drive (we don't text) with the kids in the car. Now I will vow not to talk and drive EVER. I'll continue to pray for your family and your terrible loss.
    Blessings,
    Stephanie

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  29. I am so sad for you...even though I do not know you personally, my son attends St. Thomas Aquinas CDC, and I used to see the 3 of you in the mornings at drop off tme and used to think how sweet that was for both you and your husband to drop off your daughter. Your story has really touched me. I have no words for your loss, I pray for peace for you and Colleen. (That is my middle name!) I will try to encourage your message. Shannon Herring

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  30. I'm a friend of Judd Antin's, and I promise not to drive distracted and to specifically ask others I'm talking to on the phone if they are driving (and maybe politely hang up)

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  31. I am sincerely sad for you and your daughter... I take the no cell phone pledge as I type. I'm sorry for your loss and know words must seem trival. I posted a link to your blog on my facebook group "I Pray for my Kids". You and your daughter will be in my prayers... ~Stephanie

    http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=286195669089&ref=mf

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  32. I do not know you or your family but I have been deeply touched by your story and your loss of your husband and best friend. Two years ago my brother lost his wife who just dropped dead while preparing her young kids dinner. It was a tragedy that our family has endured the pain through. We have become closer as a family, and closer to God through this. This morning on my way to work I was thinking about Tammy and it made me think of you and the pain you are going through. I cried my entire way to work for you, your daughter, and your and his family. The pain you are dealing with is impossible to describe. Yet your strength is so admirable. You are right you have to keep going for the sake of yourself and your daughter. I PROMISE to never text, check facebook, check email, etc while driving. It is VERY dangerous and I have always said I will stop but yet find myself doing it still. I promise through your story that I have stopped. I am soo sincerely sorry for your loss. My brothers youngest daughter was 3 (his other children were just 2 days before turned 5 and 9)when she lost her mother and it is heart breaking that any child will have to go through what she has been through. I will continue to keep you and Colleen in my prayers. I will pray for strenth for all of you.

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  33. I pledge and promise to never use my phone while driving.

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  34. our prayers are with you in such a trying time in your life. sincerely wish you & your children the best. Consider me pledged to your cause.

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  35. I pledge never to drive distracted again. I've also asked my family to pledge. Thank you so much for sharing your story with the world. You and Colleen are in my prayers.

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  36. I don't know you or Chris, but your story has touched me ever since I read the Eagle news about Chris passing. I pray for peace for you and your family. Your message is so powerful. I hope it his home to many.

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  37. I pledge. I miss seeing Chris' smiling face at work. I pray for you and Colleen to find peace and that God may continue to comfort you. God's blessings.

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  38. Its crazy, as I read your blog post, I'm watching a news report on deaths due to driving while using your phone. I pray peace and comfort for your family. I promise.

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  39. I promise, too. Just read a report in preparing for an upcoming podcast that said people on their cell phones are 43% less effective behind the wheel - equivalent to being twice the legal limit of intoxication. It's like driving drunk - very. I am so, so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your pain and making a difference.

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  40. I promise. My heart goes out to you and your daughter.

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  41. wow! I'm crying right now :( Ty for having the strength to post this.

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  42. I promise...for your family and mine

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  43. I do not know you but my deepest sympothies go out to you and your daughter! I too promise not to ever text again while driving and only use hands free for calls only!

    I know your pain of losing a loved one as I have lost the love of my life, my best friend and soulmate! We were together since childhood! She was 12 and I 14 when we started dating. We were to have our 28th wedding anniversay this year. My wife did not die from such a tragedy but lost her battle to cancer after a short 4 month battle that was not long enough for me to even start to say goodbye! As for you is was instant and I pray for each of you and do know how you are missing such a great sounding husband! Stay strong and always be happy! This way Chris will always be with you and see your smiling face! I believe that I have to be happy in order for my Tina to see me and I want her to be here with me as much as possible as you do Chris! So look up and smile he is there with you! Will Wright on facebook Wichita Falls, TX

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  44. My heart aches for you and your daughter. I wept after reading your blog that was sent to me in an email. I pledge and have asked others to do so. Stay strong.

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  45. Thank you for posting this; it must have been so difficult to write but hopefully you have saved some lives with your story!

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  46. A profound tribute to your husband and your daughter. I do not know your family, but I am truly moved to pledge no cell phone while driving.
    Your strength is "moving mountains".....
    Blessings

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  47. Kristin, I have never met you but I went to seminary with Karen and Rob. When I first heard the story of this accident, I was so sad to hear of this tragic loss. I decided that day that I would never text & drive again. It has been over a year now and I have not texted once while driving. I signed Oprah's "No Phone Zone." I also share the news with my friends who think they can text & drive. I work as a hospital chaplain so unfortunately we see a lot of the car accidents that come from things as simple as texting and driving. Thanks for your courage in sharing this story.

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  48. You shared this story with my class at Texas A&M over a year ago. I have not forgotten it. Tomorrow I am doing a presentation over distracted driving and will be passing it on to other students to hopefully make a difference in their lives the way it has mine.

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  49. Thank you for sharing your heartbreaking story. You have honored your husband and the young girl who also lost her life beautifully. We all have those quick moments where we think "I will just check my phone really fast" maybe we don't do it all the time or we aren't as bad as the obnoxious person blatantly texting while driving on the freeway, but it only takes one moment of distraction to cause a life changing accident and you never know when that moment will be. There are so many things I can't control but I CAN control my actions while driving and I PROMISE to not be distracted by ANYTHING while driving.

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